Tag Archives: #Next3Decades

I Was Fired

It was the worst day. It was also the best day.

[youtube id=”sH6unNljq7E?t=2m22s” height=”200″ width=”400″]
(Skip to 2:22 for the important point I’d like to make with this clip. Or, watch the whole thing because it’s very funny.)

One year ago today, April 30, 2013, I was fired. These words ended my 16 year career with the company: “Today is your last day with us. We are letting you go.” Just like that, I was unemployed.

Wow. Shock. Total and complete shock. I cleaned out my desk like I was in a trance. On my way home, I called my wife. I was crying so hard it was difficult for her to understand what I was saying. (Thank goodness for hands free technology. I could talk, wipe tears, and drive all at the same time.)

I could spend more time sharing the emotions I was being bombarded with during those first few days (worst days), but I’d rather share more about the many days since the shock wore off (best days).

Some may want to ask “How can the same day be the ‘worst’ and the ‘best’?” Easy. Go back and watch the clip from City Slickers again.

The feelings of it being the ‘worst’ day wore off quickly. They did resurface occasionally, but not often.

The feelings of it being the ‘best’ day arrived quickly and have remained. I often tell people the ‘best’ day feelings first showed up within a couple of hours of being let go.

I knew. I knew deep down in my heart. God knew for years. I didn’t feel His gentle nudging. Multiple times, over the course of a number of years, I was blind to His desire for me to leave. So what did He do? He got me fired. I wouldn’t walk out the door on my own, so God shoved me out. He didn’t pull me out, or lead me out with His arm around my shoulders. He placed His foot on my rear and booted me out the door.

It was a Tuesday. 4:30 in the afternoon.

Almost every Friday morning I have breakfast with two friends. Somehow my sudden unemployment became the topic of discussion when we met the Friday after I was fired. My friend Duane recommended a book he had heard about. The timing was perfect. Within a few days I had the recently released, New York Times Best-Selling book, Start in my hands.

God booted me out the door. My friend made a recommendation. Jon Acuff was there to help me START.

Some people may be tempted to call this an Anniversary. I typically associate anniversaries with happy occasions. Getting fired is most certainly NOT a happy occasion.

However, the past year has most definitely been a happy occasion.

I now work 40 hours a week instead of 60-65 hours.

I spend time with my teenage sons.

I’m nicer to my family.

I enjoy life.

I’m reconnecting with my beautiful wife.

I’m dreaming.

I’m building.

I weigh less. (And I’m still going down.)

I’m healthier. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

I’m growing closer to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I’m writing this blog.

I’m writing a book (or two).

I’m preparing to speak in front of a crowd at a conference in Tulsa in June. (Launch Out)

It was the worst day. It was the BEST day.

Here’s to the #Next3Decades!

Dreaming With My Spouse

15 Replies

A few weeks ago I sat down on the couch with my wife. There really isn’t anything unusual in that action. It seems we do this every night. But this night was a bit different. Neither of us turned on the TV. I actually asked her to sit next to me. I wanted to share my dream with her.
That action and request by me was the unusual part.

We’ve been married for 20 years.

I don’t ever remember sitting down together to share our dreams.

I had written my BIG DREAM down on paper a couple of weeks earlier. I had even gone to the trouble of planning out a time-line for achieving my dream. I have, on paper, a rough sketch of the next 3 years and what actions I would like to take in order to achieve my BIG DREAM. I won’t bore you with the details, but it begins with a few small steps this year. Next year a few more steps, larger steps, are planned. The final year leading up to the BIG DREAM, includes a few ginormous steps.

How in the world have my wife and I been married for over 20 years and never intentionally taken the time to discuss and write down our BIG DREAMS? Some of you may think this inconceivable! I’m suddenly in agreement. Now I have a desire to share more often. If my wife and I are truly on the same team (#TeamTheule), we should have full knowledge of each other’s dreams, goals, and desires.

My wife had an idea of what my BIG DREAM looks like. She knows I want to write and speak. But we have never talked about it on purpose. As I look back over our 20+ years of marriage, I can’t help but wonder how many times we missed out on something incredible because we didn’t share our thoughts with each other. We’ll both tell you we were too busy to think about BIG DREAMS. For a majority of our marriage we have lived in survival mode.

When we were first married, I was still in college. My wife began working full-time as a Registered Nurse three months after our wedding. I was struggling through another semester of college. I can remember dropping her off at the hospital for her night shift. In the morning I would pick her up and we’d make our way to the college campus where I would spend my day while she went home to sleep. Later in the day she would pick me up. We would have a couple of hours together, and then I’d bring her to work. Let me say this as politely as possible: Third shift sucks when you are a newlywed. (My wife would probably tell you it sucks no matter what the situation.)

So, we didn’t spend very much time together. This wasn’t the best situation for our new marriage, but how were we to know any better? I needed to finish school, and she had a full-time job. Perfect right? No. Not perfect. Not perfect for most marriages, but particularly bad for our new marriage. We needed to spend time together. We hadn’t been in close proximity to each other for the two and a half years leading up to our wedding in December of 1993. After graduating from college in 1991, my wife went home. 2,400 miles away. Yep. We survived a long distance relationship. Within about a month of her leaving I knew I had to go after her. I called and asked if I could hop a plane to visit her. Thankfully she said yes. That was the first of many planes I hopped to go visit her. But a few in-person visits, many phone calls, and quite few letters, cannot replace proximity when you are trying to learn everything about your future spouse. (I wonder how different it would be now with texting and Facetime and Google Hangouts available.)

Every time we saw each other in person we had to become acquainted again. The experience is somewhat similar to being involved in a great online community, say through a closed Facebook Group, and then suddenly meeting some of your great online friends in person.

In a sense, the cards were stacked against us. We never learned how to properly communicate face to face. We got married, life together began, two incredible boys came along, and we continued to live in the craziness of life. In the blink of an eye, 20 years went by.

Last spring life came to a momentary halt. I lost my job of 16 years. I was suddenly given more time than I ever imagined. Time to think and reflect on my life. Now what? Over the last 10 months I believe I’ve figured it out. I figured out what the BIG DREAM is for me. I went back to work two short months after losing my job. I’m doing essentially the same thing I was for the 16 previous years. But now I have an idea of where I’m called to go. I have an idea of the BIG DREAM for my future. I’m not quitting my current job anytime soon because as I once heard a very wise woman say, “Income helps.”

I’m looking forward to more time sitting on the couch with my incredibly patient and understanding wife. She has dreams too. I think. Maybe we should sit on the couch tonight.

Do you communicate well with your spouse? Do you share your BIG DREAM?
If you’re not married, do you have someone with whom you share your BIG DREAM?

#Next3Decades

Change My Whole Life

14 Replies

“What would it look like to change my WHOLE LIFE?”

A few months ago I jotted those words in my journal.

A few weeks later, during a counseling session, I was told to throw that idea out the window. My whole life didn’t need a change. Many times we get hung up on the BIG HUGE changes we think are necessary to be successful in life. The problem with this thinking is we forget to take into account all the parts of our life that are good. Our fallen, simple, minds tend to dwell on the problems and conflicts we experience. We forget about the good.

Two percent. That’s all we need. That’s all I need. 2% can be HUGE. 2% can be significant.

Do I need to change EVERYTHING in my life? No. If I set out to change everything about my life I would lose and discard so many good things. Changing everything doesn’t look too good when I take the time to ponder what it would look like. I would need to leave my family. Well that settles it pretty quickly. I’m not going to change everything. I like my family. I want to keep them in my life.

What else does ‘everything’ encompass?

Do I want to change my job? Yes. No. Maybe. In the now legendary words of Jenny Acuff, “income helps”.

Do I want to live elsewhere? No. I enjoy living in West Michigan. My boys like their schools.

How about hobbies? I like to play golf. Should I give that up? NO WAY! Food, vehicles, clothing, hair style, etc.

Some of you may want to change everything I’ve mentioned above, but I’m sure if you took the time to look at your life, you would find numerous aspects to deem off-limits to change.

2%. Let’s get back to this small number.

Would changing 2% of your life make an impact on, well, everything? I say yes. Here’s why.

Apollo 13. April, 1970. 2%. The Apollo 13 astronauts had a miniscule window to hit in order to successfully re-enter Earth’s atmosphere. If they weren’t within the window, they would burn up or skip off the atmosphere and out into space with no hope of return. 2%. How could such a small number make such a HUGE difference? Earth’s pretty big. How difficult could it be to splash that capsule down in the ocean? Pretty darn difficult for a regular person. Thankfully, Jim Lovell, his crew mates Fred Haise and John Swigert, and the man left behind, Jim Mattingly, were not regular people. Training matters. These gentlemen and the dozens of people helping, knew what needed to be done. And, they knew how small the window was for success.

Small changes in direction have potential for causing significant change.

Small changes to multiple areas of life, implemented over months and years, can have a significant impact on the trajectory of your life and the lives of those around you. Taking the initiative to make a small change in direction is important for growth and improvement. I’ve been working toward significant change in the direction of my life. I experienced a huge change in the spring of 2013. Since then, I’ve worked on many small areas of my life. Small, seemingly insignificant changes you may or may not see in me if you know me well. Trust me. Small can be big. Ask my family. They’ll tell you.

More and more small changes are in store for me.

What changes are in store for you? Where is the 2% in your life?

Let me know in the comments below. Join the conversation!

#Next3Decades