Tag Archives: Encouragement

Using My Own Words Against Myself

I screwed up yesterday. I was a terrible husband. I yelled. I hollered. It was stupid. It was pointless. And I knew it. Immediately.

I apologized. She forgave me.

I put my crappy mood to good use. I closed myself in the bedroom and folded the mountain of laundry I had been ignoring. And then I made supper.

But it still hurt even hours later.

This morning I knew what I had to do. It was time to use my own words against myself.

The majority of the post that follows is a re-post from a few months ago.

I need these words today. Maybe you do too.

Please spend some time reading this post. Share it with your spouse. And then go purchase the book.

“To overcome an ordinary marriage, you have to fight for your spouse, not with your spouse.”

Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough

When was the last time you fought FOR your spouse? I’m guessing you fought with your spouse more recently than you fought for your spouse. For some people, me included, the idea of fighting for your spouse is a bit odd. Didn’t I fight for her when I wanted to date her? I assumed I didn’t need to fight for her any longer when we both said “I do” on our wedding day. In this outstanding book, Justin and Trisha Davis try to help us throw this kind of thinking out the window.

The Davis’ have crafted a book to encourage all of us. Whether you are married, single, or divorced, this book will provide you with valuable skills and ideas to improve a marriage and the other relationships in your life. Through the sharing of their personal story of young love, ignorance, assumptions, betrayal, and finally an incredible God blessed renewal, they present the reader with a plan for strength in marriage and relationship.

Personally, this book was a slap in the face. It has served as a wake-up call for me. Convinced of the incredible power in the story and message of this book, I did a couple of things out of the norm for me. The first thing I did was to ask my wife to read the book. When I finished it she was in the middle of an online college class (on top of her full-time job), so only recently did she begin reading it. The second action involved spending some money so I could share the power of the message. I haven’t kept exact count, but I believe I’ve given away ten copies of the book. It is that good.

Because I don’t want to tell the whole story of the book, I’m going to keep this review a bit on the vague side. This story needs to be read by you personally. You need to experience it on your own. Please, trust me. You NEED to read this book. Here are a few key passages I highlighted.

“God doesn’t want to improve your marriage; he wants to transform it. God doesn’t want to modify your behavior; he wants to change your heart. Extraordinary comes when you, as a husband or wife, invite God to change you.”

I’ll add one word to the end of that sentence. “…invite God to change you” TOGETHER. God is not calling us to be transformed alone. A marriage isn’t supposed to be ‘alone’ or for individuals. Marriage is meant to be experienced TOGETHER. So many of us live through our marriages alone and on our own. Yes, there are other people in the house, but we are still surviving as individuals. Justin and Trisha share an incredible story. Their story calls us to do our marriage TOGETHER.

You + Your Spouse + God = TOGETHER

Does this quote feel familiar?

“…the success of our marriage was arranged around what we could avoid, rather than loving each other more deeply, knowing each other better, sharing our dreams more, understanding our passions, and growing our intimacy with one another.”

What are you avoiding in your marriage? When was the last time your shared your dream with your spouse? Do you know what inspires passion in your spouse? How about intimacy?

Do you hold anything against your spouse? Or, do you hold anything against yourself that may be keeping you from sharing your full self with your spouse? Read this book.

I am amazed and thankful for the incredible depth of their relationship shared by Justin and Trisha. Extreme sorrow and brokenness are combined with profound joy and transformation. What for all intents and purposes should have ended in incredible sorrow, God saw fit to use for incredible renewal and joy. Get this book. Read it. Use this book to inspire renewal in your life. When you finish it, apply the messages you learned. And then, share it. The Davis’ shared their story as a healing gift for others. I’m going to share mine too. Please join me. Let’s use our stories to improve the lives of those around us.

Visit the Refine Us website to learn more about the Davis’, their journey, and the outstanding resources available to strengthen your marriage.

Do you have a story of pain and renewal as it relates to marriage? Have you experienced incredible, miraculous healing from God in your marriage? I’d love to hear your story. Share your story in the comments, or contact me directly at ricktheule at gmail.com

Have you screwed up lately? How long did it take for you to regret your words or actions?

Things I Learned While Sick for A Week

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I’ve been absent from my blog, and for the most part from social media, for the last week or so. What began as “Hey, I think I have a cold,” turned into “Wow! I’m really sick!”

Here are a few things I learned during a week of staying in bed, moving to the couch, and returning to the bed.

I hate being sick.
Staying home for a week sounds wonderful, but it really isn’t when you’re sick.
Daytime TV is horrible.
I can’t concentrate on a book when I’m sick.
Writing is difficult because of the lack of concentration thing.
It really does pay to have blog posts completed and scheduled for a week or two in advance. (I failed miserably.)
Showering is overrated.
Shaving is too.
When you think you’re better, you’re probably not.
Taking one extra day off work to completely heal isn’t going to kill you. Not healing completely might.

Now, as a new week begins, I’m ready to jump in again with both feet! Time to move forward on the BHAG!

Q: What happens to your hustle when you get sick?

Mr. Grumpygills

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This is what my 17-year-old son calls me when he thinks I need to smile more and be a little less serious.

He’ll walk up to me, usually when I’m on the couch trying to listen to a ballgame, and say in a very snarky voice, “No more Mr. Grumpygills. Does Mr. Grumpygills need a hug? Hmm? Hmm?” And then he’ll proceed to hug me as tight as possible while trying to make me laugh.

Why am I Mr. Grumpygills? What puts me in “that mood” at the end of the day, or on a Sunday afternoon?

There are probably multiple reasons why I end up as Mr. Grumpygills.

The better question is “What keeps me from becoming Mr. Grumpygills?”

One answer to this recently hit me.

The frequency and volume of my writing directly impacts my attitude.

Simply put, the more I write, the better I feel, and the better my days seem to go.

Over the course of the last year and a half, writing has become a go to activity for me. When the words are flowing out of my head and onto the screen (or paper), my attitude invariable improves.

Why? How does this work? What happens?

Well, I believe it has to do with God.

I am convinced God is calling me to write. To write this blog, and to write books. The more I write, the more I am obeying his desire for me. He blesses me, and my attitude, when I write.

There are words deep inside me, given to me by God, waiting to come out.

The words I write are for you, the reader, and for me. We are to learn and grow from these words. But, most importantly, the words I write, and the ideas I share, are for his glory.

I typically write about the experiences in my life. I share the good, the bad, and the glorious. This is what I’m called to do.

Who would have thought God would turn me into a writer. Certainly not me.

Until last year, I was a car salesman. That was my identity. Now I am so much more. More accurately, I realize I am so much more. I still sell cars. Really. I do. It is my Day Job. But it no longer defines me.

What defines me now? I believe my Twitter profile sums it up pretty well: “Proud dad, faithful husband, loving Christ, looking to inspire you to be awesome…”

I’m no longer defined by my occupation. Are you?