Tag Archives: Love

Love, Sex, Dating

How’s that for an attention getter!?

Yes, you guessed it. The topic of this post will be awkward. But you know, sometimes awkward is the only way to handle something, and usually it turns out to be the best way.

The attention grabbing title comes from the book “The New Rules For Love, Sex, & Dating” by Andy Stanley. Andy is the lead pastor and founder of Atlanta-based North Point Ministries. Andy is an outstanding writer, and an even better speaker. Through his teaching and writing, God has changed many lives. He certainly has had a big impact on mine.

While this book discusses and addresses the full spectrum of Love, Sex, and Dating, I believe the most powerful quote I gleaned from it is this:

“Become the person the person you are looking for is looking for.”

Read that a couple of times. It’ll hit you after the second or third time.

This sentence really is the main emphasis of the book. No matter what area of your relationship you want to work on, this sentence sums it up.

We can’t change the other person. We can only change ourselves. Period. Until that commitment is made, nothing else really matters.

As always, Andy Stanley pours himself out through his words and ideas. I even made a little note to myself after reading the first dozen or so pages: “Even in this book, Andy’s intent is to EMPTY his cup.” As a leader, I’ve never seen someone empty themselves better than Andy. In everything he does, he is trying to empty his cup so others may be filled. That my friend is the essence of a servant leader.

The desire Andy has to pour himself out is why he wrote this book. (There’s also an accompanying sermon/podcast series. I’ll post a link at the end.)

Here are a few quotes I made sure to write down as I read:

“Couples generally don’t have relationship problems. They have problems they bring to the relationship.” p.58

“Porn is job security for marriage counselors and divorce attorneys.” p.123

“She’s not a commodity. She’s a person. She deserves the truth.” p.126

“The essence of romance is discovering that the sole object of your affection has chosen you to be the sole object of his or her affection as well.” p.162

These are a small sampling of the “truth bombs” in this book.

While I recommend men and women both read this book, I want to specifically encourage the men reading this.

GUYS, there is one specific chapter that is a MUST READ.

Chapter 6: The Gentleman’s Club

I’m not going to fill you in on it. I want you to find the book and read it. Even if the ONLY chapter you read is chapter 6.

Disclaimer: I received this book from North Point Publishing (andystanley.com) in exchange for this review. But you need to know, I would have bought it and read it anyway.

I have two teenage boys at home. This book is exactly what I want them to read and exactly what I want to awkwardly discuss with them. Moms and Dads, single men and single women, should ALL read this book.

Here are some links to purchase the book and to learn more about Andy Stanley and the work of North Point Ministries.

Book: Love, Sex, & Dating

North Point Ministries: http://northpoint.org/

Andy Stanley: http://andystanley.com/

Be blessed my friends.

Love and Law

14 Replies

I’ve been feeding on the doctrine/theology of my beloved Calvinist tradition.
My brain is well fed.
My heart is starving.
#Next3Decades

{This is a re-post from November 11, 2013.}

I posted these words on my Facebook page Sunday morning before leaving for the morning church service. It stirred up an interesting collection of comments.

If you are wondering about the last line, #Next3Decades, I’m using this phrase for the next few months at the end of Facebook and Twitter posts. I may use it all through 2014. It is intended to remind me, and maybe you, that change is possible. A friend of mine used it when I posted something about the last 30 years of my life. It grabbed me. I need to let go of the last 3 decades. I need to look to the #Next3Decades.

And that is the reason I posted the first three lines.

I haven’t posted here in about four weeks. At first I wasn’t 100% sure why. I had plenty of material available to post and promote. It would have led to some great discussions. But, I wasn’t happy with it. (I’ll post it at a later date. I still like it. It will promote conversation.)

In my heart I knew I needed to look for something else. I needed different content for my current frame of mind.

I found it.

Now back to the first three lines of the Sunday post.

The question that continually came to mind over the last few weeks related to something that was missing.

I was missing something. Something big.

What was I missing?

Grace and forgiveness.

My head is full of wonderful doctrine and theology. I collect it. I study it. I look for it in everything I read. I listen for it in every sermon.

During a counseling session I suddenly realized it wasn’t enough.

I had the head knowledge. I knew the words describing grace and forgiveness.

I knew Jesus had died on the cross for me. I knew that God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit loved me.

I knew it in my head.

How did I miss the part about my heart?

Don’t get me wrong, please. I’m not upset or disappointed with my Calvinism. I’m not upset with my upbringing and education. I will always love and spend time with doctrine/theology. And, I have no intentions of “falling off the wagon” so to speak. But, in the last six months my eyes and heart have been opened to what I was missing.

It was being offered to me from the pulpit, in my reading, through my music, in person by great friends, etc.

My defective brain didn’t let my heart see it or feel it.

I have hundreds of pages of journal notes about grace and love over law. But recent events have “cracked my heart open”.

Now it is time for me to allow grace and love to pour into me and over me.

Please join the conversation. Return to my blog every Monday and Thursday. I’ll do my best to make it worth your time.

Have you ever been stuck on the law? Have you ever been stuck on the love?