Tag Archives: Soul

Holding On

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Recently I discovered myself holding on to something.

Heavy-Burden

I had been holding on to it for quite a long time. I can remember when I began holding it. You would think I would have let go by now. I couldn’t.

The brutal honest fact is that most of the time I didn’t know I was holding it. I had become so comfortable with it that I forgot I was holding it.

During a counseling session a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly realized I was holding it.
(Yep. Counseling. Mom it’s okay. People can know that your 42-year-old son is seeing a counselor.)

It was heavy. Unbearably heavy.

How did I become so comfortable with this extremely heavy burden?

Over the course of almost three decades I had learned to live with it. It is a close comfortable friend. Well, not really a friend.

I’m sure you understand. I’m sure there is a person in your life that is always around. You’ve tried to leave a few times, but the separation never really happens. They are with you.

Always.

Many times they are present during the good times. But you know in your heart the soul piercing dagger they wield will show up eventually. Once again you will wonder why you put up with their mere presence in your life.

But you know why you let them remain. They are comfortable. An always present baseline of sorts.

Soul sucking people. Soul sucking events. Soul sucking, joy killing actions.

Why do we hold them so tightly?

What I’m holding isn’t a person. It is an event. More accurately, a series of events.

These events came to me one at a time. Each one found a place to sit in my psyche. One at a time doesn’t weigh too much. All together is a different story.

 

Are you holding something tightly that is destructive? How long have you had a death grip on it? What would happen if you let it go?

 

**Read “Letting Go” to learn more about my depression and ongoing recovery/”battle”.

Explaining Love and Law

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“…because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2: 4-5 (NIV)

I love you God

After reading through Monday’s post and comments a few times, I realized I didn’t explain myself very well. I wanted to explain one thing, and it came off as something a little bit different. If you haven’t read Monday’s post, you may want to read it before continuing. Click here Love and Law

What I realized after reading it over again (and again and again…), is that I didn’t properly tell you where I was stuck.

You all understood the Love part. I need to let the grace and love of Jesus flow into my heart.

The stuck part is in my head. It is not, as I failed to explain, the Law. I’m not hung up on the rules. I’m not legalistic.

I’m stuck on the academic.

The desire to understand doctrine and theology, to decipher the words written by respected theologians and ministers, grabs me. It has grabbed me for decades.

I like reading what they wrote. I like reading about their lives.

John Calvin
Martin Luther
Abraham Kuyper
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and many more.

Sad to say, I can remember thinking more than a few times over the years, the sermon I was hearing needed more details on the doctrine and theology of the sermon topic. I wanted to know the roots and foundation of the pastor’s points.

Did the words I was hearing from the pulpit, in the music I was listening to, in the words I read in the dozens of books I read every year, fit with the doctrine and theology I believe? I wanted to understand the intricacies of the doctrine and theology. (I’m sure I’m not the only person trying to come to a complete understanding of the Trinity while on this side of Heaven. Right?)

Now I intend to pay attention to both. Love and Law. Or more accurately, love and the details of the love working in me and through me to better understand it all.

Let the Love of God flow into me so that I may better understand His Amazing Grace.

Il Divo – Amazing Grace

 

Music

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What is it about music that stirs and revives our souls?

 

Dog listening to music

If you read this post, your are required to click each link and listen to the music.

Dobie Gray – Drift Away (Original Official Video)
http://youtu.be/NIuyDWzctgY

Lyrics help express feelings. Many times they help us pull ideas and memories out from the deep recesses of our minds. Those memories of high school or childhood that come rushing back when you hear a certain song. It may happen in an elevator, or as the ice cream truck rolls past. (My wife and I told our boys the ice cream truck was the “music truck” when they were little.) You think to yourself “Wow. I wish I could go back to that moment.” Many of us feel our souls rising up to God through music. Alone and in a time of sorrow, but also during times of corporate worship. I love singing traditional hymns in the traditional way. Harmonies rise from different pews with the familiar tones of fellow church members of the last 40 years. I can distinctly hear my Dad when we sing many traditional songs in church. He has a unique tone. Sometimes it grinds on me, but mostly it brings me to a comfortable place of warmth and familiarity.

Music resonates deep in the human soul. It has a power to connect us with others and to open our hearts to new feelings. This experience is universal. How many of us have been in a different country and have been blessed to worship with a congregation in a very different language. When the music begins, even if you don’t have any idea of the words being spoken, the music joins you together.

I love these words shared with me by my friend Liz Clark as I was preparing to write this post.

“Music awakens something, changes the air inside my soul.”

This is so very true. No matter the music you prefer. Sacred or secular. Music does something to us. And it is wonderful. Many times we struggle to find words to express our true feelings, and then we turn to music. When you were young, did you share favorite songs with a young man or young woman you were pursuing? At your wedding did you select a specific, meaningful song? I did. And I sang it to my beautiful bride during our wedding. December 30, 1993. (Sing is a relative term here. I cried my way through it.)

Steven Curtis Chapman
“I Will Be Here”
http://youtu.be/qWzGmtro7cE

Music Gives A Soul

I have found over the years that I need to sing. My soul, my psyche, my emotions, they all need me to sing. They need to connect with music on a daily basis. I need to sing words, but music without words works well too. Orchestral pieces, marching bands, etc, work very well when the words are not enough. The beauty of a symphony can touch us deeply. Aaron Copland’s “Lincoln Portrait” brings deep meaning and a connectedness to the gravity of what our greatest president dealt with on a daily basis. Have you ever felt emotion while listening to Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture”? Yep. Thought so. How about the United States Marine Corps Hymn or the Navy Hymn? If you are an American and those don’t bring up emotions I don’t know what will.

Here’s one more to listen to. Again, tugging at the American sense of patriotism, what does this do to you?

National Anthem by The Tenors at Falcons vs. Seahawks game
http://youtu.be/sZoivVwaZpA

What songs/music moves you? Please share a link in the comments below.