I screwed up yesterday. I was a terrible husband. I yelled. I hollered. It was stupid. It was pointless. And I knew it. Immediately.

I apologized. She forgave me.

I put my crappy mood to good use. I closed myself in the bedroom and folded the mountain of laundry I had been ignoring. And then I made supper.

But it still hurt even hours later.

This morning I knew what I had to do. It was time to use my own words against myself.

The majority of the post that follows is a re-post from a few months ago.

I need these words today. Maybe you do too.

Please spend some time reading this post. Share it with your spouse. And then go purchase the book.

“To overcome an ordinary marriage, you have to fight for your spouse, not with your spouse.”

Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough

When was the last time you fought FOR your spouse? I’m guessing you fought with your spouse more recently than you fought for your spouse. For some people, me included, the idea of fighting for your spouse is a bit odd. Didn’t I fight for her when I wanted to date her? I assumed I didn’t need to fight for her any longer when we both said “I do” on our wedding day. In this outstanding book, Justin and Trisha Davis try to help us throw this kind of thinking out the window.

The Davis’ have crafted a book to encourage all of us. Whether you are married, single, or divorced, this book will provide you with valuable skills and ideas to improve a marriage and the other relationships in your life. Through the sharing of their personal story of young love, ignorance, assumptions, betrayal, and finally an incredible God blessed renewal, they present the reader with a plan for strength in marriage and relationship.

Personally, this book was a slap in the face. It has served as a wake-up call for me. Convinced of the incredible power in the story and message of this book, I did a couple of things out of the norm for me. The first thing I did was to ask my wife to read the book. When I finished it she was in the middle of an online college class (on top of her full-time job), so only recently did she begin reading it. The second action involved spending some money so I could share the power of the message. I haven’t kept exact count, but I believe I’ve given away ten copies of the book. It is that good.

Because I don’t want to tell the whole story of the book, I’m going to keep this review a bit on the vague side. This story needs to be read by you personally. You need to experience it on your own. Please, trust me. You NEED to read this book. Here are a few key passages I highlighted.

“God doesn’t want to improve your marriage; he wants to transform it. God doesn’t want to modify your behavior; he wants to change your heart. Extraordinary comes when you, as a husband or wife, invite God to change you.”

I’ll add one word to the end of that sentence. “…invite God to change you” TOGETHER. God is not calling us to be transformed alone. A marriage isn’t supposed to be ‘alone’ or for individuals. Marriage is meant to be experienced TOGETHER. So many of us live through our marriages alone and on our own. Yes, there are other people in the house, but we are still surviving as individuals. Justin and Trisha share an incredible story. Their story calls us to do our marriage TOGETHER.

You + Your Spouse + God = TOGETHER

Does this quote feel familiar?

“…the success of our marriage was arranged around what we could avoid, rather than loving each other more deeply, knowing each other better, sharing our dreams more, understanding our passions, and growing our intimacy with one another.”

What are you avoiding in your marriage? When was the last time your shared your dream with your spouse? Do you know what inspires passion in your spouse? How about intimacy?

Do you hold anything against your spouse? Or, do you hold anything against yourself that may be keeping you from sharing your full self with your spouse? Read this book.

I am amazed and thankful for the incredible depth of their relationship shared by Justin and Trisha. Extreme sorrow and brokenness are combined with profound joy and transformation. What for all intents and purposes should have ended in incredible sorrow, God saw fit to use for incredible renewal and joy. Get this book. Read it. Use this book to inspire renewal in your life. When you finish it, apply the messages you learned. And then, share it. The Davis’ shared their story as a healing gift for others. I’m going to share mine too. Please join me. Let’s use our stories to improve the lives of those around us.

Visit the Refine Us website to learn more about the Davis’, their journey, and the outstanding resources available to strengthen your marriage.

Do you have a story of pain and renewal as it relates to marriage? Have you experienced incredible, miraculous healing from God in your marriage? I’d love to hear your story. Share your story in the comments, or contact me directly at ricktheule at gmail.com

Have you screwed up lately? How long did it take for you to regret your words or actions?