Category Archives: Awesome

Holding On

Recently I discovered myself holding on to something.

I had been holding on to it for quite a long time. I can remember when I began holding it. You would think I would have let go by now. I couldn’t.

The brutal honest fact is that most of the time I didn’t know I was holding it. I had become so comfortable with it that I forgot I was holding it.

During a counseling session a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly realized I was holding it.
(Yep. Counseling. Mom it’s okay. People can know that your 42-year-old son is seeing a counselor.)

It was heavy. Unbearably heavy.

How did I become so comfortable with this extremely heavy burden?

Over the course of almost three decades I had learned to live with it. It is a close comfortable friend. Well, not really a friend.

I’m sure you understand. I’m sure there is a person in your life that is always around. You’ve tried to leave a few times, but the separation never really happens. They are with you.

Always.

Many times they are present during the good times. But you know in your heart the soul piercing dagger they wield will show up eventually. Once again you will wonder why you put up with their mere presence in your life.

But you know why you let them remain. They are comfortable. An always present baseline of sorts.

Soul sucking people. Soul sucking events. Soul sucking, joy killing actions.

Why do we hold them so tightly?

What I’m holding isn’t a person. It is an event. More accurately, a series of events.

These events came to me one at a time. Each one found a place to sit in my psyche. One at a time doesn’t weigh too much. All together is a different story.

Are you holding something tightly that is destructive? How long have you had a death grip on it? What would happen if you let it go?

**Read “Letting Go” to learn more about my depression and ongoing recovery/”battle”.

I’m A Man – Society’s Opinion (part 2)

5 Replies

After reading the post about Society’s Opinion of men (I’m A Man Society’s Opinion), a few people commented (online and offline) that the image of a man portrayed on T.V. sitcoms is horrible. I agree. Many sitcoms portray the dad in the show as a bumbling idiot.

Here are a few to consider:
Homer Simpson Al Bundy

Peter Griffin

Pick any show on Disney Channel (Seriously). Let’s use the show “Dog With A Blog” as the example. The dad on the show is Bennett James. Here’s the description of Mr. James from that ever popular site, Wikipedia.
Dog With a Blog – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

“Bennett James, played by Regan Burns, is Tyler and Chloe’s father and Avery’s step-father. He is a child psychologist(who basically has the mind of a child) who has his own book and tries to think of ways to get his kids to come together. He is also shown to be quite conceited. Sometimes, his wife thinks he got his psychology degree online, as his attempts at practicing psychology do not seem to go well. In the pilot, he introduces Stan to the blended family in hopes that the dog will help his children bond.”

Did you catch that? “Who basically has the mind of a child.”

How many times do we laugh at the dad on the show we are watching? What kind of impression do our children gain about the role of a dad from watching these shows?

Do I laugh at these shows? You bet. I’m part of the problem too. I’m also going to be part of the solution. What can we do? We can begin by setting a better example. Stop watching shows that tear people down. This applies to everything we watch. If you still have kids at home, of any age, do you watch shows with them that are inappropriate for their age? Some of you are saying, “Of course not. My spouse and I wait until they are in bed before we watch anything the kids shouldn’t see.” Hmm…That may be a place to begin the change in your home. It’s a place to begin in my own home.

I’ll admit to it. My wife and I were hooked on the ABC show Scandal for quite a while. We like shows that make us think. Twists and turns in the plot, and trying to determine who is doing what to who, are exciting and fun to try to unravel. But is the show appropriate? No. Flat out, no. I love the intrigue. The sex and violence are addictive though. And wrong. Would the show be as popular if the writers took out the sex and violence? Probably not.

So here is a challenge for you and me. Take a hard look at what images and stereotypes you are helping perpetuate when you turn on the box. I’m not advocating the extermination of the TV in your house. There is something beneficial with that action, but I don’t believe it is necessary to move forward and do better.

Let me know if you are taking up the challenge.

What actions will you take?

Share them in the comments below. Continue the conversation.

I’m a Man – Society’s Opinion

9 Replies

The expectations of society on men vary. One sector tells men to be “manly men” with a scruff of a beard, work boots, flannel shirts and dirty hands at the end of the work day. Another sector of society tells men to be “clean-cut” with a sharp suit, $300 shoes, the perfect coif, and a 9-5 job that is actually a 6-9 job full of fast paced business decisions and high-powered meetings. There are also sectors in society that tell men to be timid and reserved. Another sector tells men to be a “great dad”. Men are pulled many different ways. Every day.

My question for men is this: What should you be? Where do you find yourself falling on the “man spectrum”? Is there one perfect model of what you should be as a man?

My answer to the question is that there isn’t one single perfect place on this spectrum. God created us all as unique people. What society tells us to be, isn’t necessarily wrong, but it isn’t right either. I’m certain there are men in $3000 suits and men in work boots who are both following the path God has for them. What society thinks about each of these men can vary.

Do you have a stereotype in your mind when the slick looking business professional walks into your auto repair shop? Is it different from your stereotype of the man in work boots wearing the Carhartt overalls? Do you value one over the other?

Value. Usefulness. Worth. Importance.

Modern society, by which I mean the all invading modern marketing and media, places “value” on money. Often the value of a human revolves around how much income is created by and around an individual. A popular professional athlete is perceived to have a far greater reach when compared to a person with a four month old blog with nine subscribers. The athlete has a higher “value” in our society.

Do you have a high value in society? Do we fall prey to the marketing influences in our daily lives as we place values on individuals?