Category Archives: Encouragement

Dreaming With My Spouse

A few weeks ago I sat down on the couch with my wife. There really isn’t anything unusual in that action. It seems we do this every night. But this night was a bit different. Neither of us turned on the TV. I actually asked her to sit next to me. I wanted to share my dream with her.
That action and request by me was the unusual part.

We’ve been married for 20 years.

I don’t ever remember sitting down together to share our dreams.

I had written my BIG DREAM down on paper a couple of weeks earlier. I had even gone to the trouble of planning out a time-line for achieving my dream. I have, on paper, a rough sketch of the next 3 years and what actions I would like to take in order to achieve my BIG DREAM. I won’t bore you with the details, but it begins with a few small steps this year. Next year a few more steps, larger steps, are planned. The final year leading up to the BIG DREAM, includes a few ginormous steps.

How in the world have my wife and I been married for over 20 years and never intentionally taken the time to discuss and write down our BIG DREAMS? Some of you may think this inconceivable! I’m suddenly in agreement. Now I have a desire to share more often. If my wife and I are truly on the same team (#TeamTheule), we should have full knowledge of each other’s dreams, goals, and desires.

My wife had an idea of what my BIG DREAM looks like. She knows I want to write and speak. But we have never talked about it on purpose. As I look back over our 20+ years of marriage, I can’t help but wonder how many times we missed out on something incredible because we didn’t share our thoughts with each other. We’ll both tell you we were too busy to think about BIG DREAMS. For a majority of our marriage we have lived in survival mode.

When we were first married, I was still in college. My wife began working full-time as a Registered Nurse three months after our wedding. I was struggling through another semester of college. I can remember dropping her off at the hospital for her night shift. In the morning I would pick her up and we’d make our way to the college campus where I would spend my day while she went home to sleep. Later in the day she would pick me up. We would have a couple of hours together, and then I’d bring her to work. Let me say this as politely as possible: Third shift sucks when you are a newlywed. (My wife would probably tell you it sucks no matter what the situation.)

So, we didn’t spend very much time together. This wasn’t the best situation for our new marriage, but how were we to know any better? I needed to finish school, and she had a full-time job. Perfect right? No. Not perfect. Not perfect for most marriages, but particularly bad for our new marriage. We needed to spend time together. We hadn’t been in close proximity to each other for the two and a half years leading up to our wedding in December of 1993. After graduating from college in 1991, my wife went home. 2,400 miles away. Yep. We survived a long distance relationship. Within about a month of her leaving I knew I had to go after her. I called and asked if I could hop a plane to visit her. Thankfully she said yes. That was the first of many planes I hopped to go visit her. But a few in-person visits, many phone calls, and quite few letters, cannot replace proximity when you are trying to learn everything about your future spouse. (I wonder how different it would be now with texting and Facetime and Google Hangouts available.)

Every time we saw each other in person we had to become acquainted again. The experience is somewhat similar to being involved in a great online community, say through a closed Facebook Group, and then suddenly meeting some of your great online friends in person.

In a sense, the cards were stacked against us. We never learned how to properly communicate face to face. We got married, life together began, two incredible boys came along, and we continued to live in the craziness of life. In the blink of an eye, 20 years went by.

Last spring life came to a momentary halt. I lost my job of 16 years. I was suddenly given more time than I ever imagined. Time to think and reflect on my life. Now what? Over the last 10 months I believe I’ve figured it out. I figured out what the BIG DREAM is for me. I went back to work two short months after losing my job. I’m doing essentially the same thing I was for the 16 previous years. But now I have an idea of where I’m called to go. I have an idea of the BIG DREAM for my future. I’m not quitting my current job anytime soon because as I once heard a very wise woman say, “Income helps.”

I’m looking forward to more time sitting on the couch with my incredibly patient and understanding wife. She has dreams too. I think. Maybe we should sit on the couch tonight.

Do you communicate well with your spouse? Do you share your BIG DREAM?
If you’re not married, do you have someone with whom you share your BIG DREAM?

#Next3Decades

My Loose Pants

22 Replies

Something fun happened yesterday (‘yesterday’ was the 17^th of March). It may seem odd to you that I call this ‘fun’, but it’s my blog so I can call it whatever I want.

The fun thing? I realized my pants were too loose. My belt is also too big. This is a first for me. I’m accustomed to having the opposite problem. Pants too small? Yep. I have a familiarity with that particular issue. Pants too big?? Well this is something altogether new.

Over the course of the last few months, I’ve lost more than 15 pounds.

I need new dress pants. I need new jeans. It scares me to buy them. I may wait a while longer. What if I begin going up again?

I’m not participating in a diet plan. I’m not ‘juicing’. I’m eating less. By eating smaller portions, cutting out snacks, drinking more water and generally paying attention to what I’m shoving in my mouth, I’ve been able to slowly lose some weight.

I do have someone helping me. Friends of mine who live in Florida have a passion for helping people become healthy. They helped me start down this path by introducing me to a way to change my eating habits. It is working.

15 pounds sounds good. It makes me sound successful. But I’ve only just begun. My goal is to lose another 25 pounds. I’m not setting a date. I’m not signing up for a 5K. I’m not training for a Triathlon. I’m changing my lifestyle. One small step at a time.

One year ago tomorrow, March 28, 2013, I began this journey.

It was the first day of Spring Break for my sons. We were on our way to a week of vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama. For whatever reason, this day was DAY ONE.

I’m not sure as to why the journey began. Sure, I knew I needed to lose weight. But I began the journey on the 1^st day of a VACATION! Who does that? Most of us use a vacation as a way to excuse ourselves from eating healthy. We drop the idea of trying to “diet”. No salads on vacation. I did something different this time. I stopped drinking pop (or, soda for those of you not living in the Midwest).

How much pop did I typically drink in a day? Did you see the picture at the top of this post? Depending on the day, I might down one can, or two, or quite a bit more. I had a Coke addiction. I used to joke with co-workers about it as I made my way to the machine. Unfortunately, it was an addiction. How bad could it be you say? Bad. Real bad.

Even now, one year later, I would love to have an ice-cold Coke. In a glass with ice. In an ice-cold can. If I’m thirsty and I see an ad for Coke on a billboard, or on TV, I want one. Even as I type these words my mouth is watering and my desire for the sweet delicious liquid is heightened. One year later. Amazing.

No pop on a trip was the start of my weight loss journey. What began as a game in my head to see how long I could hold-out has turned into a lifestyle change. A good one. (Full disclosure: Every so often I have been known to drink a little root beer, and Sprite has shown up too. But, no cola. Not one.)

I’ve also been cutting WAY back on my consumption of fast food. I’m not perfect on this one. I love a Wendy’s hamburger for lunch on Thursday or Friday. Strangely, it never satisfies me. A couple of hours later I’m hungry again. This is where I would have gone for the Coke in the past. Now I need to figure out a different solution. Coffee and water have been the solution for me. Water, water, water and more water. It is amazing to me how this simple liquid can satisfy many of my hunger and thirst needs.

I’ll write more about my journey to a healthy lifestyle. I’m sure it won’t be a frequent topic, but the whole loose pants issue was begging to be written.

In the comments below, I’d love to know your answers to the following questions. Join the conversation!
What small changes have you made to improve your life? What changes could you make?

Change My Whole Life

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“What would it look like to change my WHOLE LIFE?”

A few months ago I jotted those words in my journal.

A few weeks later, during a counseling session, I was told to throw that idea out the window. My whole life didn’t need a change. Many times we get hung up on the BIG HUGE changes we think are necessary to be successful in life. The problem with this thinking is we forget to take into account all the parts of our life that are good. Our fallen, simple, minds tend to dwell on the problems and conflicts we experience. We forget about the good.

Two percent. That’s all we need. That’s all I need. 2% can be HUGE. 2% can be significant.

Do I need to change EVERYTHING in my life? No. If I set out to change everything about my life I would lose and discard so many good things. Changing everything doesn’t look too good when I take the time to ponder what it would look like. I would need to leave my family. Well that settles it pretty quickly. I’m not going to change everything. I like my family. I want to keep them in my life.

What else does ‘everything’ encompass?

Do I want to change my job? Yes. No. Maybe. In the now legendary words of Jenny Acuff, “income helps”.

Do I want to live elsewhere? No. I enjoy living in West Michigan. My boys like their schools.

How about hobbies? I like to play golf. Should I give that up? NO WAY! Food, vehicles, clothing, hair style, etc.

Some of you may want to change everything I’ve mentioned above, but I’m sure if you took the time to look at your life, you would find numerous aspects to deem off-limits to change.

2%. Let’s get back to this small number.

Would changing 2% of your life make an impact on, well, everything? I say yes. Here’s why.

Apollo 13. April, 1970. 2%. The Apollo 13 astronauts had a miniscule window to hit in order to successfully re-enter Earth’s atmosphere. If they weren’t within the window, they would burn up or skip off the atmosphere and out into space with no hope of return. 2%. How could such a small number make such a HUGE difference? Earth’s pretty big. How difficult could it be to splash that capsule down in the ocean? Pretty darn difficult for a regular person. Thankfully, Jim Lovell, his crew mates Fred Haise and John Swigert, and the man left behind, Jim Mattingly, were not regular people. Training matters. These gentlemen and the dozens of people helping, knew what needed to be done. And, they knew how small the window was for success.

Small changes in direction have potential for causing significant change.

Small changes to multiple areas of life, implemented over months and years, can have a significant impact on the trajectory of your life and the lives of those around you. Taking the initiative to make a small change in direction is important for growth and improvement. I’ve been working toward significant change in the direction of my life. I experienced a huge change in the spring of 2013. Since then, I’ve worked on many small areas of my life. Small, seemingly insignificant changes you may or may not see in me if you know me well. Trust me. Small can be big. Ask my family. They’ll tell you.

More and more small changes are in store for me.

What changes are in store for you? Where is the 2% in your life?

Let me know in the comments below. Join the conversation!

#Next3Decades