Love, Sex, Dating

How’s that for an attention getter!?

Yes, you guessed it. The topic of this post will be awkward. But you know, sometimes awkward is the only way to handle something, and usually it turns out to be the best way.

The attention grabbing title comes from the book “The New Rules For Love, Sex, & Dating” by Andy Stanley. Andy is the lead pastor and founder of Atlanta-based North Point Ministries. Andy is an outstanding writer, and an even better speaker. Through his teaching and writing, God has changed many lives. He certainly has had a big impact on mine.

While this book discusses and addresses the full spectrum of Love, Sex, and Dating, I believe the most powerful quote I gleaned from it is this:

“Become the person the person you are looking for is looking for.”

Read that a couple of times. It’ll hit you after the second or third time.

This sentence really is the main emphasis of the book. No matter what area of your relationship you want to work on, this sentence sums it up.

We can’t change the other person. We can only change ourselves. Period. Until that commitment is made, nothing else really matters.

As always, Andy Stanley pours himself out through his words and ideas. I even made a little note to myself after reading the first dozen or so pages: “Even in this book, Andy’s intent is to EMPTY his cup.” As a leader, I’ve never seen someone empty themselves better than Andy. In everything he does, he is trying to empty his cup so others may be filled. That my friend is the essence of a servant leader.

The desire Andy has to pour himself out is why he wrote this book. (There’s also an accompanying sermon/podcast series. I’ll post a link at the end.)

Here are a few quotes I made sure to write down as I read:

“Couples generally don’t have relationship problems. They have problems they bring to the relationship.” p.58

“Porn is job security for marriage counselors and divorce attorneys.” p.123

“She’s not a commodity. She’s a person. She deserves the truth.” p.126

“The essence of romance is discovering that the sole object of your affection has chosen you to be the sole object of his or her affection as well.” p.162

These are a small sampling of the “truth bombs” in this book.

While I recommend men and women both read this book, I want to specifically encourage the men reading this.

GUYS, there is one specific chapter that is a MUST READ.

Chapter 6: The Gentleman’s Club

I’m not going to fill you in on it. I want you to find the book and read it. Even if the ONLY chapter you read is chapter 6.

Disclaimer: I received this book from North Point Publishing (andystanley.com) in exchange for this review. But you need to know, I would have bought it and read it anyway.

I have two teenage boys at home. This book is exactly what I want them to read and exactly what I want to awkwardly discuss with them. Moms and Dads, single men and single women, should ALL read this book.

Here are some links to purchase the book and to learn more about Andy Stanley and the work of North Point Ministries.

Book: Love, Sex, & Dating

North Point Ministries: http://northpoint.org/

Andy Stanley: http://andystanley.com/

Be blessed my friends.

I’m A Seed Planter

5 Replies

“I can’t ever fill anybody’s cup, but I can be responsible for emptying mine.” – Andy Stanley

Pouring out needs to be about emptying my own cup. No matter what is happening, the objective of encouragement should be to pour out into others. Whatever they may need, my action should be to pour myself into them.

Pour encouragement into them. Lift them up. Give them hope.

Pouring out is about emptying my own cup. Don’t pick the people to fill. Simply work on emptying my own cup.

How do I know if what I am pouring out is helpful?

I may never know.

Encouragement, many times, includes planting seeds you may not see grow to maturity. The point of emptying yourself isn’t to see what great and glorious results come from it. The point is to be willing to REFRESH, ENCOURAGE, and INSPIRE others.

Plant seeds of encouragement. Don’t worry about the results. Continue to encourage, and the results will be handled by God.

I am called to pour out. I am not called to celebrate the results.

Does this mean if I’m made aware of the results, if someone thanks me and tells me of their own success, I shouldn’t rejoice? No. Not at all.

The point I’m trying to make is to not expect and wait for the results. Continue to encourage. Continue to inspire.

As I read through Mark Batterson’s The Circle Maker for the second time, the idea of “think long” came upon me in a different manner.

Thinking long now includes thinking of the impact of my life far into the future. What exactly am I doing today to impact the lives of the generations to come after me? From the standpoint of immediate family, the prayers I offer for my sons will most certainly impact their children, their grandchildren, and their great-grandchildren. I may not be physically present to experience the lives of those future generations, but I can certainly do something right now to have an impact on their lives.

The more I pour into my boys, the more I am intentional about encouraging them, the bigger impact it may have on those future generations. It is not for me to determine what happens in the future. It is simply to fulfill God’s calling on me to the current generation. God will take care of the future. My duty, my calling, is to plant seeds.

Are you pouring out? Are you planting seeds?

Nice Guys Always Win

20 Replies

Many of you know my Day Job is in sales. For almost 18 years I’ve been in retail car sales. 80% of you just reached for your mouse to exit this post. Please don’t. I promise it’ll be okay.

For MOST of those 18 years, I’ve loved my job. There is one primary reason.

I thoroughly enjoy helping people sort through their options and make the best decision for their situation.

Easy, right? In fact it is!

The hard part of sales is learning the product. Once you know the product, the selling is easy. And really, you’re not even selling. You’re consulting and advising. You’re sharing the information about the product so the customer can make the best decision.

A couple of weeks ago I helped out a few people with some simple questions. They were definitely in the market to purchase vehicles, but they weren’t quite ready to do it while talking with me.

A few days later, one gentleman came back to the store. In the days between visits he had been to a couple of other dealerships. Before even telling me he wanted to purchase a vehicle, he made sure to tell me why he came back to purchase from me.

His reason had nothing to do with price. It had nothing to do with availability. (I didn’t even have the vehicle in stock he wanted.)

He came back because I took the time to answer his questions. I didn’t pressure him to make a decision. I didn’t try to talk him into a different vehicle.

His final words to me when he left (after placing an order for the exact vehicle he wants), “Nice guys always win.”

I 100% agree with him.

Whether I sell a person a vehicle or not, being nice is the only way to go about my business.

I know there are salesmen who spend their entire day trying to use all the “tricks of the trade” to talk people into purchasing their particular product. I also know I get to go home each night with a clear conscience.

Do I want to sell more vehicles? Yes. Without a doubt.

Do I want more money in my bank account? You bet.

But never at the cost of selling the right way.

Everyone reading this is in sales. Yep. Everyone.

No matter your job. You are in sales. You are in customer service. You interact with other people every day.

Make sure you remember: Nice guys do ALWAYS win.