Q: Is it possible to be over coached?


A few months ago I wrote this question down after a counseling session. I had begun counseling a few months earlier and had been through many sessions. Very good sessions. But, my therapist seemed at a roadblock of sorts. I was right there with him. The progress we had experienced at the start of our sessions had slowed dramatically. It wasn’t that the sessions were useless, but more like they needed to be spread out over a longer period of time. At the beginning the progress we made was extraordinary. It was obvious the deep need for me to see a professional was there. On the second or third visit a big breakthrough was made. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. You can read about it HERE.

For a number of sessions after the huge breakthrough, we discussed a wide variety of items, actions, plans, homework, etc. But, I was anxious. I was hopeful. I was anticipating the next big breakthrough. What was going to come next? The first big release was incredible! I wanted it to happen again. We kept at it for a while. At the end of one session he said those words I didn’t want to hear.

“What if there isn’t another big thing?”

I understood. We were trying hard to dig some more crap out of a place that didn’t necessarily have any more to give. Now what do we do?

Well, now we don’t see each other as often. Instead of every week, or every other week, the appointments are more along the lines of once a month. Sometimes even 5 or 6 weeks apart. We had come to the conclusion that I was being over coached. Too many instructions were being given in an attempt to find something. It was time for me to do the work on my own.

For me, working on my own revolves around reading, writing, talking, and thinking. A better way to put it might look like this: Pondering over ideas and potential actions.

Ponder. I like the word. I think it describes my preferred mode of operation. I like to take my time with an idea. I’m certainly not the knee jerk reaction let the words fly, kind of guy. I’d rather chew on a topic for a bit.

I’m a slow reader. Deliberate. Intentional. I like to let the ideas in a book, and the words of a sermon or speech, sink in and stew. I typically do this when I write too. I’ll jot down some notes, write a few paragraphs, and then let it sit for a while. Sometimes the longer an idea stews, the better it becomes. The clarity of the words comes into a much sharper focus.

Do you ponder? Do you jump right in?
I’d love to hear about your methods. Let me know in the “Comments” section. Join the conversation.


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6 thoughts on “Pondering

  1. I’m more of a jump right in but that has not always been the wisest decision in hindsight so now I try to add a little pondering to the equation. I think I’m going to call it spontaneous pondering. I do love the word ponder. It’s a great word.

    • “Spontaneous pondering” – Hmm…
      I think maybe you’re spontaneous in your efforts to travel, and you ponder things when you arrive at your destination. 🙂

  2. Great post. And, there usually does come a time that counseling sessions begin to distance themselves. That’s a sign of growth! Maybe now is the time to work with a life coach instead, I don’t know. What I do know is that you are a champion.

      • I am now taking courses to be one, but that doesn’t count. I have someone in mind, will ask her for recommendations. She is a life coach, but not sure if you’d prefer a male.

  3. I’m a serial procrastinating perfectionist. I will over analyze myself out of anything. I hate the fear of never having done something before. It took me so long to start blogging but once I did it the first time it was fine. I have still have never sold anything on eBay or Craigslist. Just always think I need someone to physically show me how.