Tag Archives: Courageous

I’m Writing A Book

Yep. You read it correctly. I’m. Writing. A. Book.

If fact, I’m planning to write more than one book. For now though, we’ll focus on the first book.

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As most of you know, my life changed last year when I was let go from my job. The time off helped me realize I was limiting myself. I was solely focused on work. A deep down love of writing came to the surface during my brief time off from employment. I love to write. And now, I have something to say.

This first book has been pushing itself to the surface for months. I’ve tried to ignore it while sketching out a plan for a different book, but this book is quite pushy. It needs to be first. It needs to see the light of day before I go on to the next one (which was going to be first).

What is so very important it can’t wait to be published? Encouragement. Inspiration. Filling people up. Pouring myself into others in order to bless them and encourage them in their every day lives and in their Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG)!

Here are a couple of topics I plan to cover:

Don’t pick the people to fill, simply work on emptying what I’ve been given.
How do I fill my own cup so I have more to pour out? i.e. Refilling my cup
Encouragement includes planting seeds you may not see grow to maturity.
Can you encourage, inspire, refresh, pour into others through social media? Twitter, FB, Pinterest, Blogging, etc.? Or, are these solely “in person” activities?

What are your thoughts on the topic? Opinions?

I look forward to hearing from you. I may even ask to use your thoughts in the book.
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Now for some accountability.

My target date for publishing this book is January 1, 2015. While I’m sure you all have an opinion on the time frame I’m presenting, I’m not looking for your opinion. But, I’d love to have your support. Some days I am freaked out by the lack of time with which I’ve presented myself. Other days, when the words are flowing freely, I believe it’ll be a breeze to finish up by New Year’s Day. I’d love your support to keep me accountable. I’m not sure how I’ll gather your encouragement. Maybe through email with a select few, maybe with a closed Facebook group, but I really do want to hear from you along the way.

Keep your eyes on this site, and if you’d like, leave a comment in this post telling me you’d be interested in a more personal involvement in seeing this project come to fruition.

Thanks for all your support so far! Here we go!!

A Baseball and My Fear

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I’ve been carrying around a brand new baseball for a little over a week.

I found it in my car when I was cleaning it out and transferring the contents to a new car. Why was it in the trunk? Back in September I made a trip to Nashville for a conference. The Start Conference was created as a companion to the book Start. Earlier in the year, Start was released by writer Jon Acuff. It is the follow-up to his highly successful book, Quitter. I read Start. I joined a crazy crew of people for a wild adventure dreamed up and built up by Jon in July. The conference in September allowed me to meet up with some of the crazy people (now friends) I had met online. Unfortunately not every one of the over 2,000 people in the online group were able to attend the conference. The baseball in my trunk was for one of those people. A baseball fanatic. Ethan Bryan.

I had planned on having the baseball signed by the crazy online friends who were able to attend the conference. I actually brought two baseballs with me. With over one hundred people needing to autograph a ball, two would be necessary.

I forgot. The baseballs stayed in my trunk.

That’s actually a lie.

I didn’t completely forget. I chose to leave them in the trunk. Why? Why didn’t I follow through? How hard could it be to have a few dozen people sign a baseball for an “online” friend? Well for me it was impossible. One simple thing got in my way.

FEAR.

Now, six months later, I laugh at myself. I laugh at the irony. I laugh at the ridiculous thought of not being able to walk up to these people and ask for an autograph on a baseball for one of our friends. The irony comes from a portion of the subtitle of Jon’s book. Here’s the full title:

Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work That Matters

Yep. Right there in the title. Also the focus of the conference.

Jon even had a punching bag set up so we could put on boxing gloves and punch fear with our fists.

Photo used with permission.

I was nervous and shy. Up until that first afternoon of the conference, I’d never met any of these people in person. I had chatted online and spoken on the phone with a few of them, but no face to face interaction. I was excited to go to the conference. I wanted to be inspired by Jon and the other presenters. I thought I wanted to make face to face contact with my new friends. Fear was holding me back. I’ve been a sales consultant since 1997. I talk to strangers every day. It is a vital part of my job.

This was different though. This was a crowd of people. I don’t like crowds. I avoid small-talk. I’m not the person standing around with a half-dozen people after church chatting about, well, whatever “those people” chat about. I’d much rather sit with you at a table in a coffee shop.

Back to the baseball.

It is now the middle of March. Spring Training for Major League Baseball is in full swing. In less than three weeks my Detroit Tigers will open their regular season with a home game. Their opponent? Ethan Bryan’s beloved Kansas City Royals.

The baseball for Ethan goes with me in the car every day. It comes with me to my desk. I roll it around in my hand and try different grips while I work. When I’m home at night, I have it with me. Watching TV, reading a book, whatever I’m doing, I have it with me. My wife and boys think I’m weird. I’m okay with that. I know why I’m holding it. Ethan knows why I’m holding it.

Baseball is back.

Someday I will give this baseball to Ethan. Soon. Will it have a few dozen signatures from our mutual online friends on it when I give it to him? Maybe. But maybe I’ll save that for another time. Maybe this one will be special. We’ll play catch with it when we meet in person for the first time. And then I’ll autograph it and give it to Ethan to keep safe until the next time we meet.

What does FEAR keep you from doing?
Let me know in the comments. Join the conversation.

#Next3Decades

To learn more about Ethan Bryan, check out his blog: http://ethanbryan.wordpress.com/
He is a great writer and storyteller.

Letting Go

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“One at a time doesn’t weigh too much. All together is a different story.”

How do you let go of something you didn’t even know you were holding? In my previous post I wrote that during a counseling session I discovered I had been carrying something for almost three decades. (You can find it here – Holding On | My Sandbox )

Here are a couple of analogies describing how heavy things can become without our noticing:
Three decades ago I weighed less than I do right now. Not a few pounds less. More than 70 lbs. Gaining 2.5 lbs a year doesn’t seem like much until you look at the total.

If I asked you to carry a backpack weighing 70 lbs, you would more than likely notice the weight. If I asked you to carry an empty backpack, but over the course of time I occasionally added a few pounds, you would not necessarily be aware of how heavy it was becoming.

Back to the counseling session.

Why am I in counseling/therapy? Why aren’t you? Sorry. That was a bit confrontational. I’m seeing a counselor because I’m depressed. I have been for years. Big, bad, clinical, Major Depressive Disorder, soul sucking, medication taking, life numbing depression.

Wow. There it is. In black and white on the screen.

Typing it is easy. Speaking it with real words coming from my mouth is a different issue.

Speaking with words about the reasons for the depression is hard. I was holding one of those reasons. (Think “death grip”.)

It was comfortable. It came to me bit by bit. It became heavy. Too heavy. 18 years ago the weight became too much. That was the first time I saw a counselor. That was the start of the medication. The medication made the weight bearable again. It became comfortable again. That is until a few weeks ago.

I returned to counseling for the first time in over a decade. Why so long? I have no idea. Life had settled into a predictable rhythm. I forgot what I was holding. I was trying to survive at home and thrive at work. I did thrive at work. For 16 years I was very good at my job. From the perspective of my co-workers, employer, friends, fellow church members and the general public, I had a good life.

My wife, my two boys, and I knew better.

On April 30, 2013 it all changed.

I lost my job.

Now what?

God knew better too. He always knows better. He had a plan. I was clueless to His plan. Working 65 hours a week will make you clueless. Not reading His Word and not spending time talking to Him will make you clueless too. God decided to wake me up. I’m sure He had been nudging me a bit. I never felt it. If I did feel it I didn’t realize what the sharp painful poke was all about. I ignored it. I ignored God.

I didn’t think I was ignoring God. I was going to church every week. I was taking notes during sermons. I was teaching 7^th graders every Sunday. I was singing praises to Him. But I didn’t get it.

I knew I was saved. I knew I was redeemed by the blood Jesus spilled for me. I understood all of it. My salvation is secure. Without a doubt.

But, I was missing something huge.

I was missing the full understanding of God’s forgiveness.

My counselor put me on the spot. I had told him there was something “back there”. I think it took me 20 minutes to speak the words. It was hard. I spoke the story. I spoke the words of where I believe my depression story began.

Here is how I was able to let go:
Counselor: “Do you truly believe God has forgiven you?”
Me: “Yes. I have no doubt.”
Counselor: “Have you been able to forgive yourself?”
Me: “No.”
Counselor: “So you’re telling me your personal standard for forgiving yourself is higher than God’s.”
Me: “Yep.”

I sat in silence as the realization and understanding came over me.

I let go.

The weight I had carried fell away.

What weight do you carry? Can you speak the words of your story?

Your ears need to hear your voice. Speak your story today.
#TRUTH #Next3Decades

(There is much more to my story. Releasing this burden does not cure my depression. The chemical imbalance in my brain has not gone away. But, a huge burden has been lifted from my heart and now I can begin moving forward.)