Tag Archives: Dream

Dreaming With My Spouse

A few weeks ago I sat down on the couch with my wife. There really isn’t anything unusual in that action. It seems we do this every night. But this night was a bit different. Neither of us turned on the TV. I actually asked her to sit next to me. I wanted to share my dream with her.
That action and request by me was the unusual part.

We’ve been married for 20 years.

I don’t ever remember sitting down together to share our dreams.

I had written my BIG DREAM down on paper a couple of weeks earlier. I had even gone to the trouble of planning out a time-line for achieving my dream. I have, on paper, a rough sketch of the next 3 years and what actions I would like to take in order to achieve my BIG DREAM. I won’t bore you with the details, but it begins with a few small steps this year. Next year a few more steps, larger steps, are planned. The final year leading up to the BIG DREAM, includes a few ginormous steps.

How in the world have my wife and I been married for over 20 years and never intentionally taken the time to discuss and write down our BIG DREAMS? Some of you may think this inconceivable! I’m suddenly in agreement. Now I have a desire to share more often. If my wife and I are truly on the same team (#TeamTheule), we should have full knowledge of each other’s dreams, goals, and desires.

My wife had an idea of what my BIG DREAM looks like. She knows I want to write and speak. But we have never talked about it on purpose. As I look back over our 20+ years of marriage, I can’t help but wonder how many times we missed out on something incredible because we didn’t share our thoughts with each other. We’ll both tell you we were too busy to think about BIG DREAMS. For a majority of our marriage we have lived in survival mode.

When we were first married, I was still in college. My wife began working full-time as a Registered Nurse three months after our wedding. I was struggling through another semester of college. I can remember dropping her off at the hospital for her night shift. In the morning I would pick her up and we’d make our way to the college campus where I would spend my day while she went home to sleep. Later in the day she would pick me up. We would have a couple of hours together, and then I’d bring her to work. Let me say this as politely as possible: Third shift sucks when you are a newlywed. (My wife would probably tell you it sucks no matter what the situation.)

So, we didn’t spend very much time together. This wasn’t the best situation for our new marriage, but how were we to know any better? I needed to finish school, and she had a full-time job. Perfect right? No. Not perfect. Not perfect for most marriages, but particularly bad for our new marriage. We needed to spend time together. We hadn’t been in close proximity to each other for the two and a half years leading up to our wedding in December of 1993. After graduating from college in 1991, my wife went home. 2,400 miles away. Yep. We survived a long distance relationship. Within about a month of her leaving I knew I had to go after her. I called and asked if I could hop a plane to visit her. Thankfully she said yes. That was the first of many planes I hopped to go visit her. But a few in-person visits, many phone calls, and quite few letters, cannot replace proximity when you are trying to learn everything about your future spouse. (I wonder how different it would be now with texting and Facetime and Google Hangouts available.)

Every time we saw each other in person we had to become acquainted again. The experience is somewhat similar to being involved in a great online community, say through a closed Facebook Group, and then suddenly meeting some of your great online friends in person.

In a sense, the cards were stacked against us. We never learned how to properly communicate face to face. We got married, life together began, two incredible boys came along, and we continued to live in the craziness of life. In the blink of an eye, 20 years went by.

Last spring life came to a momentary halt. I lost my job of 16 years. I was suddenly given more time than I ever imagined. Time to think and reflect on my life. Now what? Over the last 10 months I believe I’ve figured it out. I figured out what the BIG DREAM is for me. I went back to work two short months after losing my job. I’m doing essentially the same thing I was for the 16 previous years. But now I have an idea of where I’m called to go. I have an idea of the BIG DREAM for my future. I’m not quitting my current job anytime soon because as I once heard a very wise woman say, “Income helps.”

I’m looking forward to more time sitting on the couch with my incredibly patient and understanding wife. She has dreams too. I think. Maybe we should sit on the couch tonight.

Do you communicate well with your spouse? Do you share your BIG DREAM?
If you’re not married, do you have someone with whom you share your BIG DREAM?

#Next3Decades

Why I Write

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I am called to refresh others.
I am called to speak words of encouragement and inspiration into the lives of people.

Photo courtesy of Julie Beth Theule

This is why I write. I have been called to write the words of my heart and share them with you.

Do I have a great and glorious revelation to share with you? No. I have words given to me over the course of the 43 years of my life. Words of my story I wish to share with you. Words are bursting out of me. Every day.

My story is no different from your own. We all experience joy, sorrow, triumph, defeat, success and failure. I am called to share my stories with you so you too can better understand this life you live. My words may inspire you to greatness. My words may bring you to deep despair. Either way, I’m going to share them with you. If my words move you to greatness, HALLELUJAH! If my words bring you deep despair, I pray God will meet you in that despair and restore you to HALLELUJAH!

The written word and the spoken word are powerful.

I’m not writing out of a selfish need for validation. (At least I shouldn’t be.) I’m writing so I may share what has been given to me.

I’ve been called to share the words I’ve been given. I wrote the quote below in my journal a few months ago. I didn’t make a note of the source, so I cannot give proper credit, but I love these words and I need to share them with you.

“It’s not God’s plan for us to collect seed. God’s plan is for us to plant the seed.
Do something with what you have.” – unknown

I’ve been collecting words like seed. Now it is time for planting.

I am being called to write and speak. May my words be seeds. May they find rich soil. May they grow and have life in you. May they produce a harvest filled with overflowing HALLELUJAH!!

Stuck – Wondering Why

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I haven’t written, posted, published since January 1. 42 days. (Written on February 11, 2014)

Why? I had absolutely no clue until this morning. During my counseling session this morning we talked about why I may be stuck. What we surmised is that I may have given myself too much grace.

Instead of feeling the pressure to move forward with my dream this year, I recently extended the calendar. My wife will be attending grad school for 20 months beginning next January. I can’t jump into my dream this year and still have a viable income while she is in school. She’ll still be working, but not full-time. Plus, while she is “under the gun” for those 20 months, I should be running the house. The boys and I should make it as easy as possible for her to have the necessary time to study and relax. She shouldn’t have to be concerned with the dishes, the laundry, the grocery shopping and all the other things a family needs to look after every day. So I gave myself a break. No pressure. Instead of this year being my year, I’m now looking at a 3 year window. Without any deadlines or immediate goals, I slacked off. Kind of like the college professor giving the class an extra week to complete a term paper. Woohoo! No need to work on it right now. Let’s watch the Olympics, sleep in, read books, hang out with friends, etc. The work can come later. Oops.

While the idea of having time to work on a dream is appealing, sometimes the pressure is good for me. I looked at the lack of a deadline as a relief. I always dream in my head that I could get so much reading and writing accomplished if I was isolated for a month in a cabin in the mountains. I imagine being snowed in by a blizzard and producing an epic volume of content for blogs and books and articles. After talking about it this morning, I’m thinking a situation like that may not be so epic.

Today is my first attempt at writing. I placed a bit of pressure on myself by asking a few friends to check in on me by text between the hours of 10am and 3pm. Even if they don’t text me, the knowledge that they might text me pushes me to write. I want to be able to show them I’m working.

I am working. This is my second “article” of the morning. I finished a rough draft of an article I’ll submit to a blog I occasionally contribute to. It will be a good article. It needs editing. It needs clarification. It needs to stew. This is what needs to happen today. I need to write multiple words on multiple topics. Rough drafts. Crappy drafts. They can be edited later. Getting my thoughts out of my head, onto the screen, and letting them be for a few days, or weeks, is a good thing. Clear the space for more thoughts.

How do you get “unstuck”? What gets you “stuck”? Let me know in the comments. Let’s learn together! #Next3Decades